Day 6

Don't let one day go by...

Today was a little crazy. I woke up later than I meant to, didn't have my morning coffee, had an ultralight breakfast, and was nearly late to my date today. Yeah, that's right, I had a date, haha. I had lunch and went to a movie with a guy I have been talking to and getting to know for a little over a year now. It was a good time, but the discussion of my date isn't the topic of today's post. At any rate, the craziness of the day continued after the movie when I noticed I had a really bad headache (Probably because, as I mentioned, I skipped my coffee this morning and I am a hopeless caffeine addict!). So, I decided to delay the plan I had to go to they gym after the date and went home, took some medicine, had a small snack, and drank a soda before laying down, in hopes of attending to all possible causes of my headache before it developed into a migraine. I laid down assuming I would take about an hour to nap, which is usual for me, and then head to the gym. Imagine my surprise when I woke four hours later! I felt a lot better, but was mildly frustrated since I hadn't worked out or studied at all today. I decided to skip the gym today, grab a quick dinner and hit the books. The entire time I was studying, I kept feeling down and bummed about how I'd skipped the gym; I didn't want to fall of the wagon. Finally, I decided to just do some physical activity in my apartment. It wasn't as intense as the gym, but I lifted some weights, did some crunches, push ups, and jumping jacks to get the blood flowing and felt much better after.

That is what I was referring to above. Don't let a day go by where you don't mind what you eat or do something physical. This is all about pushing yourself toward a goal. In the past, skipping a day has been the downfall of my weight loss efforts. I start to come down on myself for missing a day and everything spirals from there. I guess I need to be a little less critical on myself and keep my overall goals in mind!

So, I know I promised a 'legitimate post' yesterday, and I'm getting there, but before I forget, today's weight was 194 lbs.! Yay!

So, what happens when you finally reach your goal and you have a great, healthy body? Well, while outwardly your appearance will have transformed into something that is, in the words of Ke$ha, 'hot and dangerous', the body image you have internalized may not make such a change. I think it was one of the oddest and obscure things I realized after I lost my initial 80 lbs. Many people told me I looked so good and I even found myself being described as being 'small' or 'thin' and my mom, of course was concerned that I was losing too much weight. But even after all that, when I looked in the mirror, I still saw a fat kid. My mentality and personal image did not change to suit my outward appearance. While I think it is important for one to have self confidence and to be comfortable in their own skin, I also know that on some level I will always be insecure about my weight; it comes from 18 years of fat jokes and internalization of negative sentiments, which don't go away over night. I think it is simply importance to find a balance. Use the insecurities as fuel for continued self improvement, for no one is perfect. At the same time, recognize your accomplishments and remind yourself that you are awesome and be proud of yourself, because you are making changes to live a healthier life. Just don't be surprised if your increase in weight loss doesn't coincide directly with an increasingly positive body image. In many ways they are two separate things and you have to work to improve each of them individually.

Life's a garden; dig it!



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